What am I most afraid of?

We all get those emails that ask questions so that others can get to know you better. You know the ones...favorite drink, birthday, etc.

One question on those surveys (for lack of a better word) is what are you most afraid of. I've never really been able to answer that question because I truly didn't have an answer. Yes, I have fears. I'm afraid of rattlesnakes, but I certainly don't lose sleep over it. I'm afraid of making a fool of myself sometimes, but again I don't lose sleep over it. To me, the answer to this question should be the one thing that will send you into a cold panic, and I've never been afraid of anything to that extent...until my surgery. Now I know what I am most afraid of. Losing control of my body. I was given a spinal tap. What the doctor didn't tell me was that I would not be able to feel or move my legs as I was waking up. I could see them, but unable to even wiggle a toe. In addition to this, my body temperature was 93. The nurse put heated blankets around my head and on my body, essentially demobilizing me. I realize that I was still groggy from the spinal, but never have I felt as panicked as I did in that recovery room. All I could think was that I couldn't move and I couldn't help myself or protect myself if anything happened. I didn't panic outwardly, but my mind was not in a good state. I never want to experience this again.

New Year

Yes, the new year is here. And I, for one, am going to be a whole new me! Okay, that's a bad joke for having a total hysterectomy. I'll blame it on the drugs I am taking since I just had surgery yesterday. I'm feeling good, now. I have never had a spinal block before and I'm not sure I ever want to again. Yes, having morphine in my system for 24 hours was nice, but coming out of surgery and not being able to move my legs, feet or toes is one of the scariest feelings I have ever had. I like being in control. I was not in control of my body for awhile yesterday. I don't like that and hope I never have to go through that again.
On the bright side, I have been given the best care imaginable. My doctor is awesome and the nurses have been wonderful. And, I plan on being more energetic than I have for months or possibly even years.
Last, but not least, I have the most wonderful friends anyone could ask for. Thank you to all of you who have encouraged me and prayed for me. You guys are the greatest!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all. This is a time for reflection and giving thanks. I'm not going to get sentimental or into deep pondering (to borrow a phrase from a good friend), but I do want to say thanks to all my friends near and far. A life without friends would be lonely indeed. As this year draws to a close, know that while I usually don't say it, I value each and every one of you. Thank you for being a part of my life.

21 days

Passport - check
Luggage - check
Excitement - check
21 days and counting until I am cruising. I and about 16 co-workers and friends are headed to warm seas and I can't wait. No phones, no computers, no working. And I absolutely refuse to talk about work while we are gone. This is a vacation. :)

Normal?

I have never given much thought whether my family would be considered "normal". But, apparently activities that I enjoy with my sons are not run of the mill activities for most families. I have been sky diving twice and would have gone the third time, but the planes were grounded due to heavy clouds. The first time I sky dived was also the first time for both my boys. The instructor was quite surprised that mom and boys were jumping. My youngest loved it and now skydives when he can. My second time to skydive was when he graduated from West Point. He jumped right before I made the tandem jump and we have a cool DVD of the jump. I visited him a couple of weeks ago in North Carolina and we went to the wind tunnel. He has a membership and goes almost daily. He also skydives almost daily. I got to go in the tunnel and loved it. It's probably a good thing that there are no wind tunnels near here. I don't know if I could afford it. Both of my sons like to go to paintball with me. And they are brutal. A friend of my youngest told me that I was lucky to be his mom because he wouldn't try to kill me. Ha! I'm the first one he shoots. And honestly, if he wasn't such a quick kid, I would have taken him out! I'm not sure what "normal" moms do with their kids, but I wouldn't change the things I do with mine. I may be "vieja" (the little brat's word for me), but I have fun. And so do they.

Flying

I fly a lot. But, apparently I have never flown when I have had sinus problems. I have never felt the pain flying that I felt this morning as the plane was descending into Dallas Love Field. My left eye felt like it was ready to pop out. And my left sinus cavity definitely was and still is to an extent bleeding. Take off and the flight itself didn't bother me at all. It was the descent. Knowing this, I was somewhat prepared that I might have pain as my next leg of the flight started descending into Kansas City. I was prepared, but once again, the pain was pretty bad. I discovered that if I press my temple and rub, the pain is lessened greatly. That is good to know as I am in the Kansas City Airport waiting for the next leg to Chicago and from Chicago to Raleigh/Durham. Two down and two more to go. At least I know it's going to hurt and that I can alleviate the pain somewhat. It's worth it though. I have a week to enjoy the ambience of North Carolina and my son (even though he will do his best to annoy me. That's why we have such a good relationship.)
Bonus for having my longest layover in KC...free Internet. Not all airports offer that. :)

Trust

I got a call asking if I wanted to go on a cruise. I should have said no. Why? Because I know the friend that asked and I know that he tends to act without thinking. Here we are, six days away from departure and he finally contacts the cruise line to finish up the plans. There are supposed to be five of us on this cruise. There are no reservations. Apparently my friend got scammed. Now, I have a week off work and no cruise. Luckily, I had only paid $100 so far and my friend is promising to get that back to me tomorrow. He hopes to be able to get his money back. He was afraid that I wouldn't talk to him anymore. I told him that I won't stop talking to him just because he's an idiot. He can't help it. I am upset that a trip that I was really looking forward to isn't going to happen. I'm also kicking myself because I know that I should not have left the details in my friend's hands even though he called me about going. Luckily, there are about 20 coworkers that I am going to go on a cruise in November with. I still plan on taking off most if not all of next week. I don't know what I plan on doing, but hey, I have a round trip ticket on Southwest that I can use if I want. Hmmmmm, whatever I do, I am not letting someone else do the planning.