Windblown

It's March and it's West Texas. Must be track season. I went to the district track meet of a girl on my case load today. They told me that it started at 3:00. My youngest was a track star in Jr. High and High School. Odd that I totally forgot that 3:00 does not mean 3:00 in track time. I arrived at 3:45 and the running events still had not started. No surprise there. Also no surprise that the wind was blowing about 30 mph and it was getting cold. Of course I didn't bring a jacket with me. But, one of the wonderful things about small town track parents is that a total stranger handed me a jacket and told me to wear it. I don't think there are any nicer people anywhere. The smell of the hamburgers being grilled for the concession stand was awesome. The cheering of the parents was wonderful. The great thing about track is that parents actually praise not only their own children for doing well, but other children, also...even those on opposing teams. And there are always cheers for that last struggling runner. My girl took a first in the 400 m relay and a 4th in the 100 m dash. Not bad for a 7th grader at her first district meet. The future looks bright...even if it is windy.

Girls just wanna have fun

I came home today in a grumpy mood. I went to Amarillo and while that is not a bad trip...I enjoy visiting my kids there, it is a long drive and today it made me grumpy. My son and DIL wanted to go to a concert so I am now here with Lauren and Dharma. My mood has improved drastically. How could it not with these girls? We have played on my bed and taken silly pictures from the lap top. We even filmed a short video. If I can ever get it downloaded into photobucket, I will share it with friends. We all need to take time out of our busy schedules and have a girls just wanna have fun night. It is good for the soul and I think it helps keep me young. Too bad their parents don't know what they are missing.

Big girls do cry

Everyone knows the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Children are like Humpty Dumpty. Sometimes they fall and sometimes they can't be put back together again. How do you protect them from the great fall? How do you tell a seven year old child who has been in foster homes and who has been with her siblings in a relative home for four years that her caregiver doesn't want her there anymore? How do you protect her from that great fall? The one where she has been told that she is bad? Is it her fault that she has behaviors that can be a challenge to work with? Has everything been done to mend the cracks that she has from her previous falls? I don't believe that a seven year old child is a throw away and I don't believe that she should be punished for mistakes that adults have made. Parents that didn't or couldn't keep her. Workers and caregivers that didn't get her the counseling that could help her through the rejections she has had. It's not too late. But, when I go to her home and tell her that she is moving. That she will no longer live with her siblings. That she is going to a foster home, or an emergency shelter and will be living once again with strangers. How will I answer her questions about why her caregiver wants her brothers and her sister, but doesn't want her? How will I be able to protect her from the great fall so that I can start the process of putting her back together again?

It's okay for big girls to cry. I have already cried when I was talking to the caregiver, trying to convince her that we don't give up on the little ones. Will she cry? Will I cry with her? Maybe. Because it's okay to cry. But then, I will start putting her back together again. And I pray that she will only be cracked and not broken into little pieces that can't be put back together.

Dharma rulz

A poster on a forum I frequent posted a thread about who's running your life. His thread focuse on his dog. Well, I love my dogs dearly, but they are not running this house. Dharma is. While I sometimes get frustrated having my son and his family living here (I enjoy my privacy), I love getting to be a part of Dharma's life. She absolutely runs this house. She loves to come get in my bed when it is her bedtime. And then she gets offended that she has to go to her bed. She took off her diaper yesterday morning, came in my room and pee'd on my floor. Thank goodness it is a wood floor. If anyone else did that, I would probably beat them as I chased them out of my house. With Dharma, it is cute. I keep a bag of candy on my dresser that is Dharma candy. No one else touches them. Dharma gets one a day. She's starting to talk and will tell us what she wants to eat or drink. She also tries to be so helpful. She will start wiping the table in front of her when she is finished eating. I was throwing trash away today and she helped put it in the trash can and wanted to go to the dumpster with me. She's fun and adorable. I'm hoping she takes her time growing up.

Where does time go?

It is almost the end of October. Thanksgiving is in a month and Christmas is in two. I don't feel like it has been a year since the last holidays. Maybe it's because I work so much. I won't be working most of next week, though. I'm off to North Carolina to help my youngest child pack and move back to El Paso. Isn't it funny how he still needs momma to help him move. Some of my friends have commented on that, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I remember a time when he didn't want momma to know anything about his life. Now he likes having me around. Grown kids are pretty cool.

Dharma

I have had a fantastic weekend. Dharma stayed with me all weekend while her parents were out of town. We had a wonderful time. For those who don't know, Dharma is my 13 month old grand-daughter. She has such a wonderful personality. I did have to baby proof my kitchen as Dharma is now walking and gets into everything she can reach. We went shopping for a birthday present and baby shower gifts. Needless to say, Dharma came out of the shopping spree pretty well off, also. I took her several places this weekend. She wasn't fussy and enjoyed meeting many new people. The greatest part of all this though, was when she would hold her arms out to me. We shared many Dharma hugs and kisses. Her parents came to pick her up about 6:00 tonight. While I am enjoying my alone time, I must say that I enjoyed my weekend with Dharma. I'm looking forward to many more.

Adoption

I had an adoption yesterday. The girl was being adopted by her uncle and aunt. They were all so happy. One of the things we do for the kids when they are adopted is let them choose a teddy bear. She chose the biggest one we had after spending several minutes contemplating which one she wanted. When we left the courthouse, she asked me if I could keep coming to visit. I told her that I could stop by and say hi, but that I no longer had to come every month to check on how everything was going. She said she wanted me to come by sometime. Then she hugged me, not once, but three times. This is one of the reasons why I love my job. I have two more adoptions next week. Life is good.

Mixed feelings

As most of you know, I have a son stationed in Korea. We were talking via instant messaging last night about his future. He told me that he wants to be deployed to Iraq. As a mother, I don't want him in Iraq, but he has some very valid reasons for wanting to go. He is a LT in the Army. He has a chance to make the military his career and said that he wants to see what the Army is like in war before he makes a long term decision. He also has had classmates and good friends killed in Iraq. He feels that he should serve a turn there just as others have. The third reason he gives is that with a war going on, he needs to have a combat patch to really advance a career in the military. He could get a combat patch by being deployed to Kuwait/Qatr, but he feels that is the easy way out. He told me that he knew what he was getting into when he signed his contract. He knows that Iraq is very dangerous and that he could be killed. He said he doesn't want to die, but he's willing to take that risk to serve the country. Right now, he won't be deployed to Iraq because of the field he's in. He's probably going to be going to Ft. Bragg in May. Knowing my son, he will find a way to be deployed. I am proud of him and I support his decisions. I don't know many 24 year olds who compare to my child. But, I also worry.

CPS

I have recently become aware that there are some misconceptions about CPS (Children's Protective Services) and I would like to hopefully clear two of these misconceptions up. The first is that some people seem to believe that CPS issues arrest warrants. CPS operates under the Texas Family Code. I am giving the link to the statues pertaining to CPS investigations for interested persons. http://tlo2.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/docs/FA/content/htm/fa.005.00.000261.00.htm
The Texas Family Code is a civil code. Therefore, CPS does not have the authority to make arrests or issue warrants. Local law enforcement do receive reports of abuse/neglect that are reported to CPS. Sometimes local law enforcement will investigate these reports for criminal liability and sometimes they do not. CPS, by law, investigates reports pursuant to the Family Code. To allege that CPS had someone arrested is totally lacking in factual basis.
The second point I would like to discuss is a statement made recently that CPS needs to be shut down. I could not believe that someone actually said that, but I guess there are people out there that do not see the need to protect our most vulnerable citizens. I have worked with children who witnessed their little brother being thrown across the room and killed. I have worked with children who were sexually abused and had to testify in court about the abuse. I have worked with children who showed the police where the meth was being manufactured in their home and told about having been accidentally stuck with a needle. I could go on, but the horror stories never end. Most parents are good parents and never have any dealings with CPS. Some parents are good parents and have had reports called in. If a false allegation is made, cooperate with the investigator and the facts will come out. The majority of CPS investigations are closed with no further action. CPS investigators aren't out to get your kids. When I did investigations, I perferred to investigate the ones that I could close with no further action. I knew those kids were safe. I know it can be a hassle to deal with a worker coming out to your home, but isn't it worth the hassle to know that CPS will investigate and protect the ones who are being abused/neglected? How many child deaths have been prevented because CPS removed children from an abusive parent before the parent lost their temper one last time? How many children have been protected from accidental needle pokes in their parent's meth lab?
I know that there are cases in which a worker abused their position. That happens in every profession. Those workers are hopefully weeded out. But, by and large, CPS workers perform an important job to the best of their ability. And we have many children who are safe today because of that.

Difficult decisions

I am sitting here holding my seven month old grandbaby thinking about the call I just received from a hospital concerning a little boy on my caseload. You see, this little boy has so many health and developmental problems that we asked the judge to grant us the authority to get a DNR (do not resucitate) order. The hospital was calling to check on the order.
The reason that this is a difficult decision is that this little boy will never have any kind of quality of life. He is currently existing. He is the sweetest, cutest little boy you could imagine ever seeing. A team of doctors here and in Fort Worth have been trying to 1) find out why he has these medical problems and 2) trying to figure out how to if not heal him, at least get him to a state of being able to progress somewhat. All of this has been to no avail and he continues to worsen. I don't talk about him to others alot because until you've been through this you just don't understand. His foster mother has been talking to me about what we are going to do when he passes (funeral, who is considered family, etc.) His parental rights have been terminated, but it is doubtful we will ever find an adoptive family. He has siblings and I will be telling them that he will never get any better. That too will be extremely hard because these kids have come to mean so much to me. I've known them for almost four years now and have developed a close bond with them. Right now, I think he needs prayers, so if anyone is reading this, please send your prayers.