One question on those surveys (for lack of a better word) is what are you most afraid of. I've never really been able to answer that question because I truly didn't have an answer. Yes, I have fears. I'm afraid of rattlesnakes, but I certainly don't lose sleep over it. I'm afraid of making a fool of myself sometimes, but again I don't lose sleep over it. To me, the answer to this question should be the one thing that will send you into a cold panic, and I've never been afraid of anything to that extent...until my surgery. Now I know what I am most afraid of. Losing control of my body. I was given a spinal tap. What the doctor didn't tell me was that I would not be able to feel or move my legs as I was waking up. I could see them, but unable to even wiggle a toe. In addition to this, my body temperature was 93. The nurse put heated blankets around my head and on my body, essentially demobilizing me. I realize that I was still groggy from the spinal, but never have I felt as panicked as I did in that recovery room. All I could think was that I couldn't move and I couldn't help myself or protect myself if anything happened. I didn't panic outwardly, but my mind was not in a good state. I never want to experience this again.
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2 comments:
You had a valid reason to fear that spinal tap. When I finally came out of the medicine, the nurses tried to get me up to walk. I remember clearly that my entire body from waist down was numb and my legs and feet were like jelly. No feeling at all. I guess that is one surgery that we do not forget...
Glad your getting better!
Yes, Sista, that would cause fear in anyone. Yikes.
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